Nighttime Personalities Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Scheme

Late-night's prominent comedians used their broadcast mocking former President Donald Trump's recently announced visa program, dubbed the "gold card," describing it as a obvious cash-for-residency arrangement for the wealthy.

Colbert's Pointed Analysis

Starting his program, Stephen Colbert offered a sardonic holiday tune directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's making a list, checking it twice, and then handing that list to the people at ICE," he crooned. "Donald Trump ... destroys everything he touches."

The subject was the new plan which enables foreign nationals to buy U.S. residency for an investment of one million dollars, with a "top-tier" option for 5 million. A government page pledges processing "in record time."

"A quick message for you to wealthy foreigners: prior to you pony up, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the program is also intended to "get cash" from businesses wanting to hire foreign workers, involving hefty payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you register, you additionally get two free nights at a property of your choice – as long as it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"Unprecedented vetting the government has before done," said Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to verify these people absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "Question one: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"This is a card that will permit wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he said. "For a million bucks, you get legal visitor status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your selection."

"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the lack of detail of the form, saying it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"Indeed, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Affordability Struggles

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll numbers amid financial worries. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he said.

This week, in a effort to tackle cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, where he behaved strangely to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a ages."

"Trump is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning media defenses of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe rather than complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.